did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
