I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
