I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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