i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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