just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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