She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
