she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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