I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
