She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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