You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
