Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
