My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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