I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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