Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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