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He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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