next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
