Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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