So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
