woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
