dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i think i just lost a toe
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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