Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
