and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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