I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
