i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
