i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
