i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
