Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What a dumb baby whore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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