Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
