I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
