I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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