we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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