I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
