either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
