Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
