Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize