I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
