I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
