so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
