I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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