Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
