If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
