I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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