ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
