Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
