At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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