Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
