shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
either way he was missing a nipple.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
