my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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