i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize