please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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