I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
