AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
