College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
