Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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