Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
