i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come on in and take your pants off
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