Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
