he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
