arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
