Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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