Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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