Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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