i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
