i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
