I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
