Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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